May 21, 2011

Let The Judging Begin

Oh wait! We’re still here! Well, then, let’s make the best of it!

It’s really very easy to become bogged down in the day-to-day humdrum, daily rituals that have to be done, habits that become engrained in our structure of the day. What about the bigger picture?

I don’t want to be set up to fail by not getting the list done. I want to be more cognizant of this bigger picture. My realization of this came with experiencing loss. And, with this loss came self doubt. I was asking ‘If only…?’ Or, “if I had just…’ Truly, there are reasons for every situation or event, including not getting the list done! There are no accidents, so don’t sweat it.

With this epiphany came a new twist to my outlook. I’m now asking ‘what can I learn from this?’ I want to make the best of life, even if I don’t get the list done.

While in hospice work, I find something from each patient that I meet. I call these treasures ‘salutes’. We as a society are taught to respect our elders. Honestly, the elders I work with are living history, filled with a lifetime of experiences. They each have a story. At this end-stage of life, (if these sweet people are not suffering from dementia) they are reflective, humbled, ready (or trying to become ready) for their journey from life to eternity. Not all are nice and accepting, some are fighting every step of the way! A lesson in and of itself! Once these patients pass, I share the treasures I’ve learned from them. This is the ‘salute’. This is my gesture of respect. This is what I take with me for my own search and journey in life.

So now my questions are not from a sense of loss or self doubt. I’m not going to judge myself based on whether or not I got everything on my daily list completed. When Judgment Day really does arrive, I want to be able to say that I learned from life experiences. I have lived. I have no regrets. Go ahead, judge me. I am ready.

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