Grief is personal, a process, a journey. The journey is different for everyone. I understand the stages of grief: numbness, disorganization, and reorganization. Intellectually, I get it. Ironically, I help other people in the beginning of their grief process in the work I do everyday. Emotionally, I'm living it, too!
I grieved in Texas. Went through the process of 'wrapping up' Dad's affairs in Texas. Going through the motions. Then, I returned to Colorado. Wow! Again, I went through those initial emotions of loss. 'Dad would never come to my house again. Dad won't get to play with our new puppy. He won't see our new stove. If we move, Dad won't know where we are.' Not all these statements are rational, they are words from a grieving daughter.
My grief is compounded because my mom died 2 years and 2 months ago. I was just getting used to not calling her everyday on the way home from work. I was just getting used to not hearing her nebulizer and oxygen machine humming. One of the last words I heard my mom say was to my daughter in response to what kind of golf shoes to get. I could hear her over the phone yelling, "Foot Joys, get Foot Joys." My daughter made the golf team that year!
How have I been grieving? I've been fortunate enough to have off work. Can you imagine being a hospice social worker at this time?
So, I watch TV; do laundry; read; eat ice cream; sleep; write 'thank you' cards; go through photos; post my blog; update my resume; play with the dogs; cry; reminisce with the kids; check in at work; fold and unfold blankets; got a haircut; text my brother a million times; and, just sit on the sofa.
Tomorrow I go back to work for half a day. I have a feeling it will be a difficult day.